Four Kinds of Love

There are four Greek words for love that are important for Christians to understand. They are agape, phileo, storge, and eros. Three of them appear in the Bible. [1] If we are going to understand the Bible and the biblical world, it is important that we understand what these words mean and how they differ.

The Greek word for sexual love or passionate love is eros, and we get English words such as “erotic.” When eros was used as a proper noun, it referred to the Greek god of love. The Greek word eros does not appear in the biblical text, so we will not spend time on it in this article, but it has had such an impact on English and our view of sexual love that it is important to mention.

The Greek word that refers to the love of God, one of the kinds of love we are to have for people, is agape. Agape is the very nature of God, for God is love (1 John 4:7-12, 16b). The big key to understanding agape is to realize that it can be known from the action it prompts. In fact, we sometimes speak of the “action model” of agape love. People today are accustomed to thinking of love as a feeling, but that is not necessarily the case with agape love. Agape is love because of what it does, not because of how it feels.

God so “loved” (agape) that He gave His Son. It did not feel good to God to do that, but it was the loving thing to do. Christ so loved (agape) that he gave his life. He did not want to die, but he loved, so he did what God required. A mother who loves a sick baby will stay up all night long caring for it, which is not something she wants to do, but is a true act of agape love.

The point is that agape love is not simply an impulse generated from feelings. Rather, agape love is an exercise of the will, a deliberate choice. This is why God can command us to love our enemies (Matt. 5:44; Exod. 23:1-5). He is not commanding us to “have a good feeling” for our enemies, but to act in a loving way toward them. Agape love is related to obedience and commitment, and not necessarily feeling and emotion. “Loving” someone is to obey God on another’s behalf, seeking his or her long-term blessing and profit.

The way to know that we love (agape) God is that we keep His commandments. Jesus said, “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me…” (John 14:21a). There are Christians who say they love God, but their lifestyle is contrary to the will of God. These people mistake their feeling of affection for God for true agape love. Jesus made this clear: “He who does not love me will not obey my teaching…” (John 14:24a).

Love is the distinctive character of the Christian life in relation to other Christians and to all humanity. The “loving” thing to do may not always be easy, and true love is not “mushy sentimentalism.” There is often a cost to genuine love. For example, punishing criminals to keep society safe is loving but not easy or pleasant, and asking someone to leave your Christian fellowship because he persists in flagrant sin is loving, but never easy (1 Cor. 5:1-5). That is not to say the agape love cannot have feelings attached to it, and the ideal situation occurs when the loving thing to do also is what we want to do. Christians are to be known for their love to one another (John 13:35).

The third word for “love” we need to examine is phileo, which means “to have a special interest in someone or something, frequently with focus on close association; have affection for, like, consider someone a friend.” [2] It would probably be helpful if phileo were never translated “love” in the New Testament, because it refers to a strong liking or a strong friendship. Of course, we see how phileo gets translated “love,” because in modern culture we say we “love” things that we strongly like: “I love ice cream,” “I love my car,” “I love the way your hair looks,” etc. The word phileo implies a strong emotional connection, and thus is used of the “love,” or deep friendship, between friends. You can agape your enemies, but you cannot phileo them.

The difference between agape and phileo becomes very clear in John 21:15ff, but unfortunately it is obscured in almost all English translations. After being raised from the dead, Jesus met Peter. Here is the short version of what they said to each other.

Jesus: Simon…do you love (agape) me more than these [fish?].
Peter: Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you.
Jesus: Simon…do you…love (agape) me?
Peter: Yes, Lord, you know that I love (phileo) you.
Jesus: Simon…do you love (phileo) me?
Peter: [Grieved] “Lord…you know that I love (phileo) you.”

Why the difference in words for “love” in this conversation? Why did Jesus use agape and Peter use phileo? Jesus was asking Peter if he loved him with the love of God, a love that may require sacrifice. After all, Jesus had just gone through horrendous torture for Peter’s sake (and ours), something he did not want to do but did anyway because of his agape love. In contrast, Peter avoided possible torture by denying Jesus.

Jesus twice asked Peter, “Do you agape me? [That is, are you willing to do things for my sake that you do not want to do?]” Peter, on the other hand, still felt the sting of having denied Jesus, and was hopeful that their friendship was intact. Did Jesus hold Peter’s denial against him? Would he still treat Peter as a close associate and companion? Peter was not sure where he stood with Jesus, so he was trying to let Jesus know that he was still a true friend, and had phileo love for Jesus.

The third time Jesus spoke to Peter, he came to Peter’s level and asked if Peter were indeed a true friend (phileo), which grieved Peter. Nevertheless, it was important, because Jesus knew what Peter did not know—that Jesus would ascend into heaven, and Peter and the others would be left to carry out his work on earth, which would require that they all be his good friends and do his will even when it meant hardship.

The fourth Greek word we need to understand is storge, which is the love and affection that naturally occurs between parents and children, can exist between siblings, and exists between husbands and wives in a good marriage. It occurs in Romans 12:10 in the word, philostorgos, which is a compound word made up of philos (the noun form of phileo) and storge. Romans 12:10 is a very important verse, directing us to be very loving and kind to each other.

Romans 12:10 (Author’s expanded translation)
As to your brotherly love, let there be deep friendship and family-affection toward one another.

If one is going to have a wonderful Christian life, obedient to the voice of God and have rich fellowship with other Christians, he or she will need to exercise all three kinds of love. We need agape love because some of the things that God requires of us are not fun or easy, but need to be done. We need to have phileo love because we need true friends to stand with us, people who are emotionally connected to us and with whom we can share our deepest thoughts and feelings. Lastly, we Christians need to have storge love between us, a deep family affection that comforts us and helps us feel connected to all our spiritual family.

Endnotes

[1] This is a change from our teaching in the past. We have taught that only agape and phileo appear in the Bible, but storge does appear in a compound form in Romans 12:10.
[2] Arndt, William and F. Gingrich. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Bibleworks).

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36 comments

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  2. There is 3 types of love which is agape,phileo and Eros people say its 4but there’s really 3types of love

    1. Nope, there are four, you forgot ‘storgos.”

      1. Sorry, but we disagree. Although they are similar, “storgos” is not the same “phileo,” hence the two different words are used. Phil is a friendship love, which is referred to as brotherly love in the sense of the deep feeling felt between friends, whereas “stories” is the bond in a family.

    2. There are 3 kinds of Greek words for love used in the Bible, but there are actually 4 Greek words for love, which is what this article shows. SO if you are speaking of the Bible, you are correct, but if talking about Greek language, you are wrong.

  3. Thank you for sharing this wonderful knowledge, it helps as I pray for God’s understanding in an area that is difficult for me to live out vulnerably at times. I will not stop praying though, not stop choosing love and continue to repent when I do fall short.

    I really wanted to comment that I was taken aback when I read your endnotes below, that this teaching differed in part from your past teaching. I have never seen someone share that and I’m not sure if that may just be common practice to make mention of that. However, God used it to speak to me that you would so freely inform us that you have learned something new since your prior teaching, so that you could more openly share this with us. I’m convicted by your humility and truthfulness and I instantly felt a deeper trust towards what I had just read. I pray that God will help me to shine my light before men in the same way.

    Thank you so much and I pray Jesus will bless your ministry! 🙂

    “This is a change from our teaching in the past. We have taught that only agape and phileo appear in the Bible, but storge does appear in a compound form in Romans 12:10.”

  4. Thank you. Clearly put – My kids 4 and 6 are asking about love..and I was looking for ways to explain to them…this is the age for identity questions like these…now to tone it to kids language.

  5. While the Greek word “eros”, meaning intimate or sexual love, does not occur in the scriptures, it is certainly described in the Song of Solomon. It is an important component of love between a husband and a wife.

    1. It is true that it is an important type of love and we agree it is alluded to In Song of Songs, but the actual word “eros” is not used in the Bible.

  6. Was preparing myself for the Sundays sermon,because my pastor supplies us with the outline scriptures so we are aware of where he is teaching from. I wanted more info on Love as it relates to Christians and Christs teachings. Things were clear, precise and very easy to understand!!!!

  7. Thank you for pointing out how Jesus and Peter used different words for love in their post resurrection encounter. I think you are mistaken on why they did so though. Before Jesus was crucified Peter was bold, brash and proud. He had declared: “Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended.” Matthew 26:33

    The first question Jesus has for Peter after his resurrection is, “Peter do you love me more than these?” He certainly was not referring to the fish when he said “these”. He was referring to the other disciples. He was picking up with Peter spiritually where they had left off when Peter had declared that if all others forsook him he would not. After denying Christ his pride was shattered and he could no longer boldly declare that he had true agape for Jesus. He could only claim phileo, an imperfect human affection. Jesus seemed to acknowledge Peter’s inability to agape when he changed his question the third time and asked Peter if he phileo him. Peter was deeply grieved in his brokenness and realization of his own weakness. Not until the Holy Spirit came and baptized them could any of them truly walk in agape and Peter was learning that lesson that he would carry with him forever.

    1. Great insight, thanks

      1. Another point about agape. We do not, cannot have agape love until we are born again. Romans 5:5 and 1 John 4:7. Peter could not agape yet because he had not received the Holy Spirit. Very astute on his part…

        1. I don’t believe that a person must be “born again” to have agape. The bible says that event he pharisees had agape (Matt 23:6) and they weren’t born again. Agape is a devoted type of love.

  8. “astorgos” – without natural affection, also occurs in Romans 1:31 and 2 Timothy 3:3

    1. Thanks for the correction

  9. We’re as Christians need all 4 kind of (love ) but the mine one we need is agape (love ) without that, that limit us from being a true Christian. Elder Mobley.

  10. My lexical aid edited by Spiro Zodhiates, Th.D. says the word in Romans 12:10 is Philadelphia from philos (5384) and Adelphos (80). He also states that Storge is only used in the negative Astorgos (794) unloving – without love in Rom 1:31 and 2 Tim 3:3.
    I do appreciate your blog. I am no expert but am doing a study on Agape as contrasted to the other loves.
    I know all people receive the unchanging and unchangable agape of God while living on the earth. How would we say, could we say (confirmed in scripture), that Christians also receive storge love from God when we become His children and can we receive phileo love from Him when we are walking together in fellowship and obedience to Him?

    1. Mike~

      As you study the word “agape,” please consider that, while God does demonstrate agape love, it is not solely, as is commonly taught, His divine love as the following verses illustrate. Agape is devoted love, something God, as well as those who hate God, can demonstrate.

      [Jhn 3:19 KJV] 19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
      [Jhn 12:43 KJV] 43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.
      [2Ti 4:10 KJV] 10 For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia, Titus unto Dalmatia.
      [2Pe 2:15 KJV] 15 Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam [the son] of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness.

      Yours in Christ

  11. Love is so important that it was order by Jehovah himself, his son Jesus & the holy spirit is love & a keeper that helps us each day to do it. Whether there is three, four or etc is debatable on how a person define love. One thing we all can agree on is that without it, we cannot exist in peace and will self destruct quickly.

  12. Not that we know of.

  13. Unfortunately, “agape” is not “The Greek word that refers to the love of God.” While God does demonstrate agape love, it is not solely His divine love as the following verses illustrate. Agape is devoted love, something God, as well as those who hate God, can demonstrate.

    [Jhn 3:19 KJV] 19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.

    [Jhn 12:43 KJV] 43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.

    [2Ti 4:10 KJV] 10 For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia, Titus unto Dalmatia.

    [2Pe 2:15 KJV] 15 Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam [the son] of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness;

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